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May 13th, 2009
08:43 am - Summer Movies I Want to See
May 22nd: Night at the Museum II, Easy Virtue
May 29th: Up, Departures (possibly)
June 19th: Year One
July 15th: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
July 31st: Adam
August 21st: Post Grad
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May 5th, 2009
01:00 am
Dear Life,
Hahaha! You think you are so hilarious...OK, yes, sure, you kind of are.
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April 29th, 2009
09:28 am - Appearances
I'm concerned at how much I've changed this year, particularly in the past month or so. I've lost a pants size and while I'm quite happy with that I feel like I need to lose more. To be frank, I'm not entirely sure that would be healthy. I am also wearing makeup most days, straightening my hair, and wearing cute outfits. Now, there is nothing really wrong with that but it's just not traditionally me. Sure, I'll be the first to admit that a lot of this stemmed from having a crush on a boy but now I sort of just take pleasure in doing it. I feel prettier and more self-confident (and I've been having an abundance of time in the mornings). I guess I sort of fear that I'm placing value in things that aren't that important. I now look in the mirror and think, "Wow, I look good! I'm actually rather pretty and guys SHOULD like me". It's weird and feels wrong somehow. It disturbs me that I'm willing to spend more on my appearance than on reading my Bible and praying. Not good, not good at all.
For the past 8 months or so I've been feeling rather restless and sometimes I will feel hollow and empty inside as if something is missing. I can only imagine that this something is a good relationship with God. It frightens me because, in Christian circles, that "hollow" feeling means that you don't even have God in your life.
At work, I feel like it is so easy to pick up other people's values. The whole sleeping with people, living together, drinking thing. I feel like I need to do something to even compete, you know? Even at church, I am frusterated at how young I am compared to people and I'm really, except for one or two, without any secrets. I'm still quite young and childish in my mindset compared to a lot of people. I want to be taken seriously but I don't think I have the tools to make that happen. I'm short, I have a high, soft voice, and yeah, I like bug hunting, feeding the ducks, and reading children's books. At the same time, I'm not sure I want to be a witty, urbane person because A) I don't really think that is pleasing to God and B) That's really not me.
People keep telling me that there will be someone out there that will appreciate all the facets that make me up, and perhaps that is true. I know I shouldn't worry about it. Right now I need to focus on what I believe God is nudging me towards, about trying to get to know Him better, about making Him my number one focus, which He should be already. And to not pay attention to men so much or even getting together so often with people. I need to run the race slowly and steadily and not rush headlong into something or pine after someone/something I cannot have.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/thoughtful.gif) thoughtful
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April 26th, 2009
07:20 am - This Does Not Surprise Me At All
| Greed: | Low
| | | Gluttony: | Medium
| | | Wrath: | Low
| | | Sloth: | Very High
| | | Envy: | Low
| | | Lust: | Very Low
| | | Pride: | High
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Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz
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07:12 am - What Happened to...
the girl I used to be? I've started wearing more fashionable clothes, doing my hair (complete with straightening it), and doing my makeup. Not only that, I'm enjoying it! And perhaps even more startling, I'm starting to think that I'm pretty. I know I'll never be beautiful but I'm starting to think that I might be able to hold my own in a crowd.
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April 24th, 2009
07:35 am
Random Thought: Apparently, I blush. I never knew this! How could my friends have failed to mention this to me? I was out to dinner last night talking to a friend about my crush and she said, "Oh, you are blushing!" Apparently, and fortunately, my whole face doesn't turn red, just my cheekbones. That is a relief anyway. But it does make me wonder how very often I have blushed in the past and never known.
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April 21st, 2009
09:58 am - Why I Love Online M/B Tests
Extraverted (E) 75% Introverted (I) 25%
Sensing (S) 68% Intuitive (N) 32%
Feeling (F) 75% Thinking (T) 25%
Perceiving (P) 64% Judging (J) 36%
(http://www.kisa.ca/personality/results.php)
ESFP: Everything being slight except for the F
(http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes3.asp)
ENFP according to http://www.personalitytest.net/cgi-bin/a.pl
I took some of these tests a few days ago and there was about a 50/50 split between E and I. Got to love the accuracy!
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09:49 am - Some of My Favorite Picture Books
Too Many Pumpkins by Linda White
Pretzel by Margaret Rey (If you haven't read this you should! It's adorable!)
The Jolly Little Postman by the Ahlbergs
Each Peach, Pear, Plum by the Ahlbergs
Frederick by Leo Lionni
Whistle for Willie by E.J. Keats
The Day Jimmy's Boa Ate the Wash by Trina Hakes Noble
The King's Equal by Katherine Patterson
A Bad Case of Stripes by David Shannon
Dr. DeSoto by William Steig
Many Moons by James Thurber
Bill in a China Shop by Katie McAllaster Weaver
The Max books by Rosemary Wells
Adele and Simon by Barbara McClintock
The Library Lion by Michelle Knudson
When Dinosaurs Came with Everything by Elise Broach
Piggies by Audrey Wood
Heckedy Peg by Audrey Wood
Hey, AL by Arthur Yorinks
Any Harry, the Dirty Dog book by Gene Zion
All the Carl books by Alexandra Day
Goodnight, Gorilla and 10 Minutes till Bedtime by Peggy Rathman
Tuesday by David Wiesner
Princesses are Not Quitters by Kat Lum and Sue Hellard
Anything illustrated by Kinuko Y. Craft
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February 26th, 2009
04:43 pm - Ephesians 5:22-32
Frankly, the Biblical image of marriage sounds like kind of a drag.
Wives: "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything" (Ephesians 5:24).
Really? Even supposing that husbands are "lov[ing] their wives as their own bodies" (Ephesians 5:28) this is no guarentee that they will be making good decisions. You can do your best but you are still going to fail. And really, are wives supposed to just sit around having their advice at times ignored, and then be completely fine with the poor decision their husbands make? I'm not saying this would happen all the time. It may not even be the norm in a relationship but man, that would be rough! No thanks! I don't want another person making all the important decisions about what is going to happen to me and my life. (God, of course, is another story as He is infalliable). Did God really intend for women to be that passive?
Husbands: "In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28).
I don't know about you but I already make enough mistakes in my own life. I wouldn't want the responsibility of making all the important decisions in someone else's as well. Talk about pressure! If you end up making some terrible mistake that affects your wife you know you are fully to blame. Buying a house? Investing? Moving? Want 6 kids? You, husband, are the ultimate deciding factor. And if you don't want to take your wife's advice you can go ahead and ignore it. You can make that decision, it's within your right. Of course, it might be up to debate as to whether you are loving your wife as your own body... And if that decision of yours goes sour, well, you have no one but yourself to blame.
It seems like this arrangement would cause quite a bit of resentment on both people's parts. I would think that a wife would start resenting her husband and envy his freedom and I would think the husband would start to resent his wife for being a burden.
And if this is really how it is supposed to work I don't really think I want to get married. I wish, oh I wish ever so much, that I didn't long for a romantic relationship or, when I end up having a crush on someone, feel the desire to care for them. I feel like I'm just undermining myself here.
Current Mood: upset
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February 25th, 2009
09:16 pm - Fairy Tale Reflection: John, Whose Disappearance Was Too Bad
I finally finished (at least near enough to my satisfaction) a collection of essays about fairy tales. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall contains twenty-eight essays all written by female authors. The collection is, needless to say, delightful, and the essays raise many questions regarding feminity, indoctrination, and the cultural integration of fairy tales. I have been forced to consider how Western culture potentially manipulates women into believing in a happily ever after. Some interesting thoughts:
"My feeling--probably much influenced by reading Gatsby at an early age, and no doubt reinforced by the trial of O. J. Simpson--is that men are tenacious about getting back what they think they shouldn't have lost. Because to have lost it reflects badly on them , whereas women assume they will lose things. (In our lifetime, it was once an unspoken assumption that a big part of women's so-called maturation was to lose their last names)" (from John, Whose Disappearance Was Too Bad by Ann Beattie, pg. 45).
Interesting point Ms. Beattie. I'm not entirely true I agree with the sentiment fully but the last name example really does strike a chord. Of course, if one does decide to take the name of one's husband there is the inevitable legal hassle, the many documents and credit cards that need to be changed and updated. I know a woman who is uncomfortable taking on the name of her boyfriend if they should ever wed and so, they have talked about combining their last names to make a new one. I too, have asked myself what I would do if I were to be married. Of course, this possibility is far from coming true for me, but what if? I must admit that I would be hesitant in changing my last name. I like my last name, it is part of my identity. I find something very creepy about taking on your husband's last name. It feels like a marking of territory--"This is MY woman". I've always imagined marriage to be an equal union, afterall, it is not possible to know a person fully no matter how much time you spend with them. I think it is therefore presumptious to label them as yours. I heard somewhere that once you married you ceased to be solely identified as yourself. You should expect to be "Sally's husband" or "Bob's wife". This only becomes worse once you have children. Now you are "Jimmy's Mom" or "Lucinda's Dad". Your primary identity is now defined by your relationship to someone else. Thoughts on this?
" Small moments define us, dig deep into our psyches to lay their spotty eggs. When Billy Simms showed me the mirror and suggested I looked like a monkey, I believed him though I can't say why that particular moment remains in my memory...Like the easily deceived Little Red Cap, I too fell into the seducer's trap. But craftily, I internalized the model, carrying that mirror like a flash card inside my head. No longer would I need Billy's critique; from now on, I would monitor myself" (from Little Red Cap by Patricia Foster, pg. 139).
I am fully ready to admit that this isn't a solely feminine problem. All people are inundated with images that demand we look a certain way, act a certain way, and own certain things. If we do not act on these cultural admonitions we can expect censure and derision from our peers. Perhaps the saddest and most ironic of things is that despite all of us telling ourselves that these cultural standards are incorrect and harmful, we abide and judge others by them. It is all well and good to say that everyone is beautiful, and maybe we even believe this at times. But you rarely see someone admiring someone else that doesn't in some way conform to societal norms. Those who are overweight, speak with a lisp, have trouble walking, etc. all get pushed to the side along with countless others. There are millions (if not billions) of dollars to be made in weight loss plans, cosmetic surgery, make-up, etc., all in the name of bringing out everyone's inner beauty. We say that we would rather not be in a relationship with someone if they cannot appreciate "the real us" but rarely does this sentiment crossover into the actions of our daily lives. Eating disorders seem to be on the rise and magazine models seem to grow skinnier (if women) and buffer (if males). Movies insist that we must be glamorous in order to find "that special someone". How tragic that we self monitor ourselves, repeating the mantras of society over and over again in our heads. Patricia Foster continues:
"But deep inside me, I have learned a difficult lesson: I cannot will my body into acceptance. The body, like the mind, is too messy, too curious to bend itself to such intimidation. It will be years before I understand that my hair fell out and my face broke out as a result of starvation and stress. What fairy tale creature had I trained myself to become?" ( Litte Red Cap , pg. 146)
What indeed? What sort of person do we become when we listen to those endless tapes full of pop culture advice? Let us suppose we did acheive societal perfection--the perfect body who drove the perfect car who parked it at their perfect house where they were greeted by their perfect girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife. Would we then be happy? I think we all know the answer to this and yet, for whatever reason, refuse to let that knowledge enter our hearts. I do not know why this is. Perhaps it is because so many of us are desperately lonely and we long for an attainable panacea. In fact, I'm going to go out of a limb and say that I believe many of our insecurities, our lashing out at others, our avarice and power plays stem from loneliness. I feel this is confirmed by the host of Internet dating sites out there, the singles bars, and Post Secret. If you are not familiar with Post Secret (postsecret.blogspot.com) it is a website that displays people's secrets written on postcards. Thousands upon thousands of secrets are sent to the founder Frank Warren who chooses which ones to display on the website and include in the books that are published periodically. The secrets are sometimes funny, sometimes scary, and, most often, heart breaking. For example,
"I told my ex my tattoo means "Spirit" in Chinese...but really it's his name" or "Sometimes I think the only reason I like Kate Winslet is because her naked body reminds me of my ex-girlfriends'". If these secrets, and countless others exhibited on the site, don't cry loneliness I don't know what does.
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February 22nd, 2009
07:28 pm - Caffeine Buzz + Twilight (time of day not the books) + Community College = Stunning
Every so often I drive past the entrance to a community college somewhat close to where I live. I've been telling myself for some time that I'm going to go and explore it but I never have until today. I was going past during twilight and thought the view would be beautiful so I turned into the college. Oh, it was lovely and so very magical! The college lies on top a hill and from it you can look out onto baylands. You can even see two of the main bridges outlined in lights. And the more I thought about it, the more I drove through the rest of college (and saw five deer), the more I knew this was a perfect date spot. I went so far as imagining just how it would go. I would tell him (not entirely sure who this "him" would be but then this is a hypothetical situation so work with me here) that I had found a wonderful spot that we just had to hang out at. And then I would take him (and a picnic dinner) to this parking lot and we would sit on the curb and watch the sunset while eating sandwiches (or something picnicky). We'd talk and laugh and observe just how beautiful God's creation is. And then twilight would fall and we would seemingly run out of things to say. I'd get to my feet and lean against the car looking up at the sky, see the first few stars of the evening and make some banal comment about their beauty. He would step closer and I would look up at him and suddenly our lips would meet and it would be wonderful. And after we finally stopped kissing I would look up at him and tell him that this is why I had wanted to come. We would sit on the hood of the hypothetical car (because my car's hood slopes too much for this) and I would lean against him possibly wrapped up in his jacket that would be too big for me and I would finally say all the things I had been wanting to say to him but couldn't find the words for.
There. That's it. The daydream that will never happen. But wouldn't it be so lovely? I suppose I am a romantic at heart after all.
Current Mood: dreamy
Current Music: "Shake You Down" by Gregory Abbott
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February 19th, 2009
12:17 am - Five Things: Words Compliments of evil_twinkie
Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.
-SHORT
I am quite short (4' 11") and can't quite decide if I like this or not.
Pros: You can duck under the legs of bad guys (because this is clearly useful?), you can laugh at all your friends who have to duck to go through the catacombs, you fit into small places which is good for sneakery and other related activities,
Cons: Friends use your shoulder for an arm rest, you are constantly mistaken for someone much younger (I know, I know, some people would put this in Pros but if it happens to you all the time it's not so great. Also, I've heard the whole "you'll appreciate it when you get older" Don't even think of mentioning that to me!), people never think you are beautiful, pretty, alluring, etc. you are always, always, deemed "cute".
-HARRY POTTER
I am rather obsessed with the Harry Potter series, so much so that in my Senior year I decorated my dorm room entirely in Harry Potter quotes and various HP paraphinalia. I also threw a huge HP party with my sister. I attend all movies at midnight (and dress up for them) and the thing I'm looking forward to most this year (barring my sister's wedding) is the Harry Potter convention (Azkatraz) that takes place this July. I think about this event probably at least every other day.
-CATS
I also love, love, love cats. This actually used to be kind of a problem as I would pull over to the side of the road and pet a cat if I saw one walking about on surface streets. I've now learned that can be dangerous and so only do it in my immediate neighborhood. I want at least 2 cats when I grow up (probably black ones because they are the ones that are the least adoptable) and enjoy being jealous of everyone who already has a cat (or cats). If you have a cat and I come over to your house you can bet that I'll make a beeline for your poor pet and ignore you for 10 minutes at the very least.
CHILDREN'S LITERATURE
Yet another big part of my life, children's literature will (hopefully) also play a big part of my future career. I aspire to being a teen or children's librarian someday. I currently work in a children's bookstore and love just about every minute of it! Don't get me started on anything written for those 18 and younger or I'll talk your ear off. I have a very bad habit at maligning Twilight books. I will talk about how much I loathe them to anyone who will listen to me, whether or not I actually know you. I will do the same about Tamora Pierce's books. Conversely, I will also bore you to tears talking about how fascinated I am over retold fairy tales and love drawing comparisons between books of the same sub-genre (ie. books about spunky girls who run away from boarding school to become pirates, techy futuristic books, backstabbing cliquey books).
CALIFORNIA
I am from CA and realize just how spoiled this makes me. Yes, I get cold and hot very frequently and to a degree that amazes some people but that's sort of what happens when you live in CA (well, at least the part where I live). However, I prefer colder weather overall and would love to live in Western Washington someday (although I wouldn't be adverse to living pretty much anyway on the Western coast north of Santa Barbara).
My favorite parts of CA: The hills, the fog, the overuse of the word "like", the diversity of the people and the abundance of progressive ideas(at least where I live).
Things I don't like about CA: Sometimes it is too hot for my tastes, the constant (and aggressive) attacks against those of a conservative bent, the less than wonderful public transit system.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/nerdy.gif) busy
Current Music: I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter by Fred Ahlert
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January 15th, 2009
01:08 pm - Coffeeshops
I love coffee shops. In fact, I think they may be one of the things I love most about life. There is something so wonderful about the hustle and bustle of people coming and going, the posh sleek interiors usually comprised of reds and dark browns, and, of course, the jazz music. I'm currently sitting at a sort of coffee shop, it's a community college dining hall actually, and those are pretty great too. Since graduation I've forgotten the awkward scan-the-dining-room ordeal but I've once again survived it and found an unused section of a table to sit at. The dining hall I'm in actually has a pretty good story behind it. When the college was originally built someone decided to build it over a fault line. Of course, they probably didn't know it was over a fault line but it is still amusing, if a little morbid, thinking just what would happen if another earthquake the size of the Loma Prietta were to shake the campus. The Student Center, containing the dining facilities, was right over the fault line so, eventually, someone (probably many someones) decided it would be a good idea to move it. I think I was mid-way through my first year at this college when the construction began. I never received the opportunity to see the completed Student Center as I left the college before it was finished so now I'm seeing it in all its glory for the first time.
Most of the campus is perched on the top of a hill. I'm not entirely sure why the founders of the college thought this was a good idea. I'm pretty sure most students wish they had just leveled the ground as you have to climb the hill to get to classes every day (unless you get one of the coveted parking spaces at the top of the hill). As much as I disliked huffing and puffing up the hill Monday through Thursday for 2 years I do love the beauty of the campus. The Student Center affords a good view of the surrounding hills and the homes built on said hills (of course, it also affords a good view of the freeway but you can't have everything). It also looks out on the athletic facilities where I hold fond memories of exercising on the elliptical machine for an hour or two (don't ask).
The first time I revisited the campus was bittersweet. I had many good times here: putting on an extensive presentation on women's rights, leaving notes for a friend in a certain hidey-hole, reading Langston Hughes for the first time (I think) in my African American literature course in the portables and meeting my friend K. who would inevitably hear all my angry rants. I remember Professor Swears-a-Lot whose real name has been lost to me (probably for forever), and the wry wit of Professor D. whose history courses I took just because she was the teacher. And there was even something special about having a picnic with a friend in the Japanese gardens and wondering if the other people there were smoking pot.
I was just interrupted by a friend from elementary school and her boyfriend. She was visiting teachers up here and lo and behold she was in the dining hall too! How great is that? So after a long discussion involving books, grad school, and coconut and horseshoe crabs I'm back to this journal entry.
Some people think that transferring colleges isn't worth the expense or the time (or both) but I beg to differ. I value the experiences I've had at all three of my colleges and I wouldn't trade them for a regular 4 year experience. Sure, you end up with a lot of credits that you don't need, and yes, it can sometimes be awkward to matriculate into a new college as everyone already knows each other (if you go to a small one) but going to different colleges gives you a perspective on life that you wouldn't have otherwise. You meet all sorts of people who have grown up in all sorts of different settings. You learn from all these people and find out things you never would have otherwise. God has blessed me in a way that I wouldn't have imagined possible. Who thinks upon high school graduation, "Right, I'm going to try to go to as many colleges as possible". Not many, I imagine. But it just goes to show that humans are not always right and that God can see the bigger picture. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I had only attended one school. I think I would be a completely different person, and I'll go a step further, I think I would have remained very much the same type of person I was in high school. I think I would have remained my naive high school self, well-intentioned but not always understanding how I hurt people. I'm not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing but I do know that, while not always happy with myself and who I am, I regret very few of the experiences I have had, and this includes transferring to a community college and then on to a small four year college.
Current Mood: nostalgic
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December 17th, 2008
03:32 am - Favorite Fairy Tale
Do you have a favorite fairy tale? I have several but the one I've been pondering of late is Beauty and the Beast. This story has long been a favorite of mine and I've never been able to articulate why until perhaps now. I think originally it was due to Robin McKinley's Beauty and all the descriptions of pretty dresses, etc. However, I think it is now one of my favorites because it represents what I so often desire...which is a lot of things. It is one of the few fairy tales of which I am familiar where the woman saves the man. I think there is something very appealing about being someone's savior. Beauty's courage, kindness, and compassion all led to the Beast's redemption. However, I think one of the more appealing and intriguing things about the fairy tale is that it takes both Beauty and the Beast to break the curse. Both of them must love, both of them must question the way they see people and world in order for the Beast's right form to be restored. This is applicable all of us I think. Part of me believes that I could find my true love if only I viewed people through the proper lens. Often society tells us what is beautiful but, more often than not, this standard does not have any truth in it. Beauty and the Beast is also one of the few fairy tales in which love is not instantly attained--Beauty and the Beast must spend a good amount of time together before they love each other. I think this mirrors most people's experience, after all, love is usually not at first sight. Ultimately, I think Beauty and the Beast describes the perfect love the most accurately out of all fairy tales I have read and it also, in a way, shows people how to obtain that sort of love.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/cold.gif) cold
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01:10 am - Family
I hope all of you have a wonderful family. I say this because I was particularly struck today by how wonderful mine is. I went walking with a friend of mine, one I don't see very often. We had a nice time talking but, upon leaving him, I found myself in a very lonely mood. I had forgotten how nice it is to spend a long time chatting with a friend. I often find myself lonely these days and it is not really for a lack of friends. Whether it is carelessness on my part or general business, I just don't see my friends very often.
If you have known me for any length of time you will know that I am not good at hiding my emotions. This is particularly true when it comes to crying. If I'm on the verge of tears and someone asks me how my day went, my face will screw up in a most unbecoming fashion and I'll start crying. This isn't really a very convenient thing as my emotions are not very discriminatory. I'm pretty sure I would start crying regardless of whether it was a close friend asking after me or a complete stranger. Anyway, I digress. Tonight, my mother asked how my day went and sure enough, I started to cry. There are many things I love about my Mom and one of them is how patient she is with me and how willing she is to listen and offer sound advice. My father is also very patient and sat listening throughout our whole dinner about the various things that were upsetting me. Afterwards, I felt a lot better and while things are not completely as they should be I do have some ideas about how to improve them. I do not know what I would do without my family.
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December 16th, 2008
06:32 pm - My Favorite Post of the Year!
OK, yes, I'm doing this early but I can because it is my journal after all. A 2008 history of me according to the first lines of my LJ:
( Read more... )
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November 25th, 2008
06:55 pm - How Old Am I?
Most of you know that I'm a rather short person, don't always dress in a manner befitting my age, and rarely wear makeup. Perhaps this is why I'm constantly mistaken for much younger than I actually am. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wearing Camp Rock T-shirts or putting my hair in pigtails but I'm also not the most fashionable of people.
Exhibit A:
My Mom, my sister, and I walked into a reception yesterday where the lady near the door informed us that there was free sangria and that it was very good. "But I guess you're too young to have some," she said to me (or something to that affect). "Actually," my Mom said, "she's 24". Oh yes, and not even a month away from 25.
Exhibit B:
My Mom, my sister, and I approached the ballet ticket counter where my Mom informed the person behind the desk that we want 4 tickets for the Nutcracker. "Two youths and two adults?" asked the lady. "No, four adults," my Mom responded. Two youths! I'm not sure what age the cutoff is for youths but I'm going to guess that it's 18. I'm getting younger by the minute here! My sister and I assumed that the lady mistook us both for being 18 and under; it would certainly be galling if I was the only "youth" in the party.
Exhibit C:
After the ballet, my Mom wanted to buy me some lipstick and I talked to the saleslady about a proper color, informing her that I didn't know anything about make-up and she should just choose whatever she thought would look best on me. I soon departed for the shoe department with my sister. My mother later informed me that she asked the saleslady how old she thought I was. "Well," said the saleslady, "from her demeanor I'd say she's 13 or so." 13? Really? Oh man! I better be getting major discounts at movie theaters! Not to mention good meal deals for kids!
So I'm either 20 (at most), 18, or 13. Phew! That's really a relief, y'know? I don't have to worry about work, as I'm still in school, hey! maybe I don't even have to worry about driving, maybe I just have to survive junior high!
I don't actually mind getting mistaken for a younger age and I'm not really offended. I do think the whole thing is hilarious though. I'm frequently told that looking so young will serve me well in later years. I guess so but frankly, I think hearing that is more annoying than being mistaken for a 13 year old.
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08:39 am - Yet Another Tony Burman Dream
I do not know what is up with my subconcious but at least every month I dream about an old classmate of mine, Tony Burman. You couldn't meet a nicer kid. He always had a sunny disposition, was into vintage cars, and, oddly enough, horror movies. I went to elementary school with him and had a crush on him in 1st grade. From what I remember it was a mutual crush but I called it off because people were making fun of us. Then, in 6th grade, I had another crush on him but never told him because I thought it wouldn't be proper. After I went to Junior High, I never saw him again. I had an oppertunity to do so. A friend of mine in High School said he was her co-worker and he remembered that I went to the same High School as this friend and asked after me. He said I probably wouldn't remember him and it took me a while. I was pretty incredulous that he even remembered me! I always meant to go down to Chile's and see him but I never did.
Fast forward five or six years and I find myself dreaming about him at least once a month which is creepy and bizarre. In many of the dreams I find myself running after him and can't see his face. Recently, however, I do actually get to meet him, under varying circumstances, but it always turns out not to be him. Last night I dreamt that another boy I went to elementary school came over to visit and I told him I'd pay him 500 dollars to track Tony down (can we say stalker much?). He agreed and we drove off together (after informing me that I was fat. Nice touch). For whatever reason, he tried to run me down with his car and pulled a gun on me. Then a gigantic tree swept me up in its vines (I don't know why the tree had vines). Of course, who should be there but Tony? I told him I was running away from someone who was trying to kill me and he told me he had his men already kill the other classmate (what? He has a band of followers now?). Then he said he was going to chop down the gigantic tree but he would help me get safely to the ground and he did (although the details are a bit fuzzy). Then I woke up. The odd thing (as if the whole thing weren't odd), was that I knew immediately that it wasn't him. I knew I was in a dream and that I shouldn't get my hopes up because he would disappear in the end.
So there it is. I am a creepy dream stalker. And yes, I would be thrilled to pieces if I ever met Tony Burman again but I am really not as obsessive as my dreams make me out to be.
Current Mood: weired out
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November 24th, 2008
07:02 pm - Booky News
Crossposted to my other blog
Hopefully, this is where you can find out what I'm reading and doing with my life in regards to booky things. That's only if the blog is found to be a non-spammy blog which it currently is quaranteed as being. It makes sense really. I shouldn't have posted so many posts all in a short time of each other. I just feel sorry for the people whose job it is to review spam blogs. That can't be a very fun job.
In other news, booky news, I've decided to become more scholarly! Enough with the wandering days off where I stay in my pajamas all day, sleep past noon, and watch random movies that I have, most likely, already seen. I want to continue expanding my mind (figuratively of course) and maintain my ability to write papers! I'm such a nerd! But you know what? I'm OK with that! I know I'm a snob when it comes to books and I know that I have a long way to go in order to become someone that pleases God and make a decent human being. However, I hope that pursuing my hobbies, no matter how embarassing according to popular world views, can somehow make me into a better person. This is actually something I've struggled with for a while. Balancing people, hobbies, and jobs is not an easy thing.
I've decided to focus on the following things (at least for the next month):
1) Certain readings (more on that later)
2) Friends and Family
3) Maybe signing up for a class to figure out my spiritual gifts and how I can apply them
4) Looking into volunteer organizations
5) Looking for a second job
6) Studying for the GREs
7) Keeping the appartment clean
8) Planning my birthday party with my sister
9) Researching library schools
10) Finishing Isaiah
OK...so that's a bit much and I know that I won't be able to succeed in it all. But I have a cunning plan, as they say in the 80s Scarlet Pimpernel movie (which is fantastic by the way). I shall elaborate:
1) Certain readings:
I have a desire to write academic papers, learn more about the world, read for pleasure, and read more in order to be a better bookseller and potential librarian. I have therefore taken the time to put together a reading timeline so I can accomplish some of these goals. Academically, I am most interested in Pacific Northwest Native American tribes-their history and their rights. I also am interested in Pacific Northwest history (especially Washington history), issues surrounding salmons, dams, and fishing (particularly in the Pacific Northwest), fairy tales and folktales (along with their retellings and translations), and (perhaps more randomly) Henry VIII's wives and Fidel Castro. So, as it is Christmas time soon, I plan to write my first paper comparing different translations of E.T.A. Hoffman's Nutcracker and researching how Hoffman's Nutcracker has been turned into a ballet, how different ballets put on the Nutcracker, how Hoffman's vision has been polluted by said ballets, and how certain ballets have stayed true to the spirit of Hoffman's book. I realize that if I presented this idea to my English professors they would say that I have to narrow my topic down and no doubt they would be right but hey! I'm not in college anymore so I can write a ridiculously long paper full of holes if the mood strikes! Yippee!
A part of me would also like to write a book one day about issues surrounding the Pacific Northwest and, while I was Washington, I picked up quite a few books about that area. Maybe one of those will be next. Possibly A Common Fate: Endangered Salmon and the People of the Pacific Northwest by Joseph Cone or maybe I won't go that route and I'll finally finish Guerilla Prince by Georgie Anne Geyer. The possibilities are endless.
I've also just joined a sort of online YA book group called AdBooks and they are voting for different books (off of a list) and discussing them. I would love to be able to participate. Although, I won't be able to read all the books by January, I hope to maybe read two or three. I plan to start with The Adoration of Jenna Fox by Mary E. Pearson and continue on to The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. Some others on the list include the sequel to Octavius Nothing (which I don't plan to read as I haven't read the first one), Graceling by Kristin Cashore (which I've heard good things about), The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (I really, really like her books but The Hunger Games sounds pretty disturbing), Little Brother (which I've heard really good reviews of also but I think there is some graphic content in there), Paper Towns by John Green (everything he writes is supposed to be amazing. Looking for Alaska won the Printz award, afterall), Tender Morsels by Margo Lanagan (which sounds extremely graphic--think beastiality and rape but it's loosely based on the fairy tale Rose Red and Snow White so I may read it afterall), The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by E. Lockhart, The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness, Nation by Terry Pratchett (which I probably will read eventually) and Impossible by Nancy Werlin (which sounds AMAZING and I really hope to read).
As for my job at the Children's bookstore, I want to find out more about books that people either ask about or rave about. Enter The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor. I've actually be intrigued by this book for some time and I own it and its sequel so I'm finally reading it. So far it's pretty grim and I doubt I would recommend it to anyone simply because I hesitate to recommend grim books to parents. I don't want them coming in and slamming the book down on the counter and saying, "How dare you give my child this book! He/She's been having nightmares! This is trash!" Perhaps that is cowardly of me but there it is. If we had more teens come in the store looking for fantasy literature I would go all out with my favorite grim books: The Keys to the Kingdom by Garth Nix, 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher, Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, The Ruby Key by Holly Lisle, etc. But until then...
In addition to these books, I'm also hoping to listen to Gregor and the Marks of Secret by Suzanne Collins on CD. The narrator, Paul Boehmer, is first-rate! I love his voices so much that I would like to own all the Underlander books on CD (I currently own them all in paper). Indeed, I don't know why I own them at all since I avoid reading them so I can listen to Paul Boehmer's voices.
2) Friends and Family
I hope to finally call everyone that needs calling/writing/visiting, etc.
3) Class on Spiritual Gifts
This is a good idea anyway but an idea has been growing in my mind for a few days about something I want to do and I have to talk to the right person about it, etc. and it may just be a pipe dream. For those of you that don't know (although if you are reading this blog you probably DO know) I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...or at least I did. I'm not sure something like that ever really goes away but I'm doing miraculously better thanks to God's intervention, my parents' determination, and many, many years of medication and therapy. I really want to help someone (or many someones) who struggle with OCD. I hope to ask my psychiatrist about how I can help out (if I can help out). We'll see. I need to remember to pray about this and would appreciate anyone's prayers about this.
4) Volunteer Organizations
See above. I also want to do more for people. I feel like I'm stuck in a self-made limbo right now and I certainly know that I'm not doing nearly as much as I could for others and for God. Yes, I volunteer but it's only once every two weeks and once every month and a half at church. Not really much of a commitment there.
5) Looking for a second job
I don't want to go into details about this but I do have some options. Possibly working at a local library (I hope!) or working through a temp agency. I LOVE my job at the bookstore but I'm not getting enough hours to work only there. It's way past time to get a second job.
6) Studying for the GREs
BLEH! Double BLEH concerning the quantative math section. However, 4-12 weeks is the recommended study time for GREs and it's time to begin soon if I want to take them in March. I'm planning on making up a schedule sometime soon...
7) Keeping the apartment clean
HAHA! Yeah right! But seriously, this is kind of an issue. I'm very lazy about this sort of thing, particularly when it comes to the bathroom and my own room. Out of sight, out of mind I suppose. I did spend about an hour and a half today and I am not sure when I'll have time to work on the apartment anytime soon as I'm working close to 40 hours this week (YAY!). Still, maybe if I turn on some good music, I'll get something done.
8) Planning my birthday with my sister
I'm a twin, hence the sister element. We're thinking of an over-the-hill themed party as we are both turning 25 and 25+25 = 50. I also really want to have caroling and a white elephant. These clearly have nothing to do with an over-the-hill theme but my sister points out that if these can possibly be combined we will find a way, afterall, we've thrown a pirate party, a Scarlet Pimpernel party, a Scooby-Doo party, been part of a progressive dinner party, and thrown many a Harry Potter party. We'll figure it out.
9) Research library schools
More specifically the top ten ranked schools by U.S. News and World Report regarding Youth and Teen librarianship programs. I am aware of the shortcoming of U.S. News and World Report's rankings but I have to start somewhere and I don't plan on applying to eleven schools (I'm looking at San Jose State as well as the other ten).
10) Finishing Isaiah
I have a hard time getting motivated to read the really long books of the Bible and I'm currently stuck somewhere in the 20s in Isaiah. Of course, once I finish Isaiah, I have to go on to Jeremiah, another long book. Oh well. The Bible is important and the word of God afterall.
End Really Long Post.
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September 21st, 2008
06:44 pm - Confession
Just looking at the course requirements for a Library Science degree scare me. It looks like they are written in a foreign language. Looking at the course names makes me second guess myself. Could I really be a librarian?
Good news: GREs are not required for Library Science programs!
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